Monday, June 06, 2005

First Day, First Show - 49 steps...

Fortunately, in a span of two weeks I have had two experiences mind blowing.
Watching two very expected Telugu Movies on their first day and first show.

Many people talk of the passion and the feelings Telugu audience have for movies in general and their heroes in particular. Being part of such
an audience is an experience for life.Frankly, nothing is so special about the
movies and the story line they comprise of. They are all based on a very proven formula of satisfying all elements( Perhaps not!!!) with a good mixture of family drama, sentiment, factionaism, heroism of the villan public rashing/trashing/smashing their sumos. Nothing has changed the industry and nothing can change it. It is formulae that matter and mass sentiments that count. I am not sure what this is proving of our movies in the National scene but some dont have regrets on this( may be rightly so!). People have varied tastes and this is our taste.

So, if you gonna a direct a Telugu movie its very easy. Here is my sample script and notes to direct a telugu Block Buster.

1. Engage a popular hero and book his dates in advance.
2. Tell the hero that you are in talks with a star producer.
3. Talk to the producer that a popular hero is interested in your script.
4. Call for a meeting: yourself, hero and the producer particpating.
5. Explain the script.
6. Hero suggests some changes based on his image in the public.
7. Absorb the changes and modify the story.
8. Producer suggests some changes to incorporate some sumo scenes.
9. Absorb the changes and change the story.
10. Hero and Producer enquire about heroines.
11. Depending on the budget, select one to three heroines.
12. Call them up ,if in mumbai, or email them if they are international.
13. Get their dates by explaining them that a popular hero wants to act
with them and that she is the only Heroine in the movie.
14. Decide on a music director and tell him to compile
a Title song, a Mass number, a Melody,a Duet with the primary heroine [ A primary heroine is one whom Hero loves for the most part of the film], a multistarrer( Hero + 1-3 heroine) and a sentimental slow number.
15. The music director goes to his computer, feeds the requirements and
the computer comes up with the tunes.
16. Go to two lyricists , one whose speciality is lyrics and the other whose
speciality is writing double meaning dialogues and words.
17. Ask the classic lyricist to write 6 songs for the above tunes.
18. Once the songs are ready, give the songs to the second lyricist.
19. Second lyricist CORRECTs the songs with necessary double meanings.
20. Approach well known singers and record the songs.
21. Appoint technicians at will.
22. Consult an art-director and build a CHARMINAR kind of monument to be
burnt in the climax of the movie.
23. Invite celebrities for the movie muhurtam.
24. Appoint a production manager to coordinate call sheets.
25. If an artist does not come up, change the story. Never mind, the story
is what you tell the viewer.
26. Change the order of scenes to have some suspense in the movie.
27. Create hype by not showing hero's face for sometime in the movie.
28. Introduce your heroines when a song is needed.
29. Minimize the budget of heroine clothes.
30. Have a dance director who can SHOW OFF things.
31. If the story line is boring, get the call sheets of some of the many commedians
available.
32. Tell them you need 3-5 comedy scenes.
33. Record the scenes.
34. Carefully plant them at boring places in the movie. They may not be related to
the story of the movie.
35. In the mean time, arrange for visas to either NewZEALand or Swiss depending on the budget.
36. Go to their public parks and spoil their privacy.
37. Hire some beggers there and have them dance in the back ground.
38. Come back to India and hire a professional Adobe engineer.
39. Change the story to introduce some good graphics in scenes.
40. If you thought something was impossible shooting, ask the engineer
to create the scene for you.
41. Hire some dubbing artists and get good dubbing. Dont compromise here.
42. Edit the movie to get an asynchronous, non-monotonous, hillarious, factionious, sentimental family drama.
43. Invite a press conference.
44. Announce that this is the first movie of this kind.
[First because the combination of the actors and the order of scenes is the first
of its kind permutation]
45. Bloat the press with audio release functions, wall posters. Hype in TV media is a must.
46. Announce the release date.
47. Dont release it on the release date.
48. Release the movie next day.
49. First day , First Shohw - A poor viewer is ready in the queue......

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